Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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