So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
