You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
