big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
