Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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