I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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