you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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