i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
