Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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