If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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