Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
