I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
