Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
