I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
