I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
