Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
