Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
