Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
