I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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