whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
