Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
