Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
