Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
