You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
