Kiss
Puke
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Someone came in the potted fern
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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