We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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