I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
