She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
