What a fucking waste of an outfit
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
