I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
