Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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