Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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