and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
