No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
