3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
