Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
