How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
