The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
