i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
