You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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