tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
