I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
