i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
