I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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