wat bout pragnant strippers??
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize