im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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