Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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