I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
