I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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