My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize