woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
