You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
