I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
