I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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