After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
