the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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