Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
