Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
