I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
