Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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