I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
